Monday, June 1, 2009

Well, it is Monday, time to get to work! The weekend was relatively decent. Saturday night we went to Borders. Big Mistake for me...don't ever let me into a bookstore! I cannot control myself! I bought a magazine, some puzzle books, a book, and a fathers day card...about $40. I am justifying it by telling myself that I was spending a lot more than that every day to support my eating disorder...but I really cannot be spending money right now.
Yesterday (Sunday) was pretty chill. We had a lot of free time in the morning and I went and sat out by the poo with some of the other girls. It was warm (up to 85 degrees yesterday) and is supposed to get up to 90 today...I love it!
I have learned a bit more about the natural characteristics of the area. In the pond there are these flowers that close at night and are in full bloom during the day. At night the frogs and other critters are SO loud, it is indescribable. The Merrimack River runs below the treetops, and there is a train track that runs right below the facility. It is SOO loud. And it runs pretty frequently- yesterday it was passing by about every ten minutes at times. At first I didn't know what the roaring sound was. I thought it was a helicopter, an earthquake, thunder. It woke me up every time the train passed. I am getting used to it now.
One of the clients got his dog from home sent to him on Saturday. She is sooooo cute! She is a Chihuahua and is only 4 pounds. I want one!!
Saturday night I awoke in the middle of the night to go to the restroom and did not feel well. I felt nauseous and dizzy. The staff took my vitals and they were very low, so I had to stay on the couch, drink, and get my vitals re-taken. They called Iness, the nurse manager, and I felt so bad that they woke her up at 4am! Eventually I went back to bed and as the day went on my vitals improved.
I met my dietitian, Deborah, who seems nice. Last night we had a "family style" meal, which meant that we did not know what the chef was preparing. Everyone had to portion themselves 100% of the 'example plate' and then eat their required percentage (ie, I had to portion a full plate but only eat 50% of it). It was a very dense meal- salad, pasta primavera and a cookie ice cream sandwich. It was very triggering to me as pasta, creamy sauce and the cookie/ice cream are 'bad' foods on my list and foods I would never eat without purging in the past. Afterwards I felt very full and disgusted with myself. I wish I hadn't eaten it. To add fuel to the fire, my acid reflux is horrid, and nothing seems to be helping it. Even this morning I am regretting what I ate last night and don't really want to eat today after consuming so much last night.

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