Thursday, June 4, 2009

One Week Down

Well, I have been here a week. Overall I feel pretty positive about the program and the place. Monday morning I got my ng tube. The procedure was a sonofabitch. Nonetheless, I am stuck with it. Actually, since I got it I have only used it once- I have eaten 100% of the rest of my meals. I was hoping to get it out Monday, or maybe even Friday, but yesterday my dietitian told me I will have to have it for two or three WEEKS- until I am eating 100% constantly and gaining weight :/ I was sort of distraught by the news, but I guess it is what it is.
Yesterday I had an appointment with a GI specialist, mostly about my severe acid reflux. They decided that they need to do an endoscopy- put a tube with a camera attached down my throat- and that is taking place tomorrow. I am a bit anxious about it, and I have never been under anesthesia, but the people I have talked to here that have had it said it is no big deal. In some sense I am kind of glad, as I have been concerned about the damage and increased risk of esophageal cancer that I might have from years of purging and ruminating.
The only other thing I am annoyed with is the fact that I STILL do not have a bedroom. I have been promised each of the last three days that I would have one by the end of the night. Yesterday I even packed all of my stuff and the housekeeper changed my linens, but then it didn't happen. I am so frustrated because I want to unpack and have my own space. I feel like it is unfair because I am paying the same amount as everyone else- which is a LOT of money- and I do not have a room after a week. Even the people that have come in after me this week have a room. My first (pissed of) response is that I want to leave. But I am trying to tell myself that it isn't a huge deal, I will get a room (eventually) and although it is not ideal, I will be okay.
Yesterday I also got my Contract for the week. Some of my individual goals include reading the book "Compassion and Self Hate" and commenting on the chapters, finishing and sharing my timeline project, interacting with two different peers and eating 100% at at least one meal every day. They all sound pretty reasonable. I was planning to have my timeline done by next week, and present it in group, but next week is Family Week and the scheduling is different so I will not have an opportunity to do that. The contract also outlines any new privileges, but the only one I got was that I get to be on 2 hour observations (in sight of staff, and door open when using restroom) after meals where I complete 100%. This is a step down from the 24-hour observations I was on (except that I have 24 hour obs whenever the tube is used).
I am looking forward to the weekend. The community voted to go see the movie "Up" on Friday night, which I have no interest in seeing, and to get manicures/pedicures on Saturday, which I will most likely partake in. Other then that I plan to work on assignments.

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