Monday, Again.

Funny how the week always begins, ends and lasts at the same time, but always seems longer or shorter.
It was a decent weekend. I like weekends. Some people find them boring, but we still have 3-4 groups a day and I actually wouldn't mind them being even less scheduled. Saturday afternoon we went on our weekend outing, which was to get mani/pedis. I got a pedicure. I was a bit self-conscious about going out with my tube, but it wasn't a problem, and I pretty much forgot about it. Saturday night was a bit tougher. We had pizza for dinner. This is another "forbidden" food for me, and after eating it I defiantly wanted to purge. But I was trying to remind myself of something a staff member was saying when trying to reason with me the previous night. There will always be challenges, the "forbidden" foods, but literally and metaphorically. If I don't push through my threshold of comfort or tolerance, then I will never make any progress. So I pushed through and managed not to purge.
Sunday night was our food outing. The dietitian chose Dairy Queen...and I FREAKED! I basically decided not to eat before we even got there. But once we were there, and I spoke to Deborah, I was able to find something I was okay with and eat a bit of it. I still had 50% meal plan, so it really wasn't as bad as I expected.
Deborah also told me that she needs to increase my meal plan. The way this works is that she breaks the weight into 5 pound ranges. So if one came in at 23 pounds, and needed to gain weight, their next range would be 23-28 pounds, the range after that would be 28-33 lbs, ect. We are expected to gain 1-3 pounds a week. So she doesn't tell you your weight (I actually don't even know where my current range started) but tells you when you have moved to the next one. Since I haven't gained much or anything I have to be increased. They let you choose how you want to do it...my options basically were to increase to meals by 25% (to 75%), later on, if needed I can add snacks. Since breakfast is the 'safest' meal for me, I actually decided to increase it to 100% and leave the others the same. But if that is too much, I can spread out the increase. I am anxious about this, but kinda expected it. She forgot to change my meal plan for breakfast today, so I had to have 75% at lunch, but I will start my new breakfast plan tomorrow.
Today in therapy, Jim had me start "the work". I have always said I am open to it, but now that the time is here, I am a little scared. The therapy model they use here is Internal Family Systems (IFS). I cant really say a whole lot about it because I really don't understand it yet, but I am trying to be open to it. Today's session was tense for me.
The weather is hot. I heard that it is supposed to cool down and become rainier later this week, which I am ok with. We get intense storms here, last night was very dark with loud thunder, lightning and hail. I loved it.